How I learned to Heal

As long as I can remember I have been a survivor.  In reflection, I could allow myself to feel resentment for a childhood robbed, for all the feelings of abandonment, for this overwhelming battle to feel seen, for all the skeletons that remain locked in a closet.  Instead, I choose gratitude.   I feel differently, I love differently, and I show up differently.  I am looking at those dark parts, and I am not flinching.    I am not ashamed. This is my roadmap to healing.   

I have always been an older soul deeply connected to self.  Though younger Lindsey didn’t know that I was filling voids, reaching for acknowledgment, people pleasing to feel loved.  Giving to get.  I didn’t have a role model.  I didn’t have a behavior that was light to mirror, or a figure guiding me.  I was looking and connecting to anything I could around me.

My healing began when I got sober.   I was fortunate enough to have very key mentors who walked with me through pain to more light.  I didn’t really know the depth of the underling pain until the work really began.  I believe for me connection was my greatest tool.  I feel that until we are able to be open and step outside of isolation, we can begin to heal.  There is so much fear in judgement.  How will I be seen?  What will be said? They won’t see me, they will see her? 

I believe it was because I was surrounded by people who were open to share that they were equally broken, equally fearful, equally searching, that I could step through the fear into where I was meant to be. There is so much power in being open and allowing for transparancy of self.

If I were to say that I am never afraid, I would be lying.  The difference is those feelings do not last. They are shorter, less consuming and replaced with more love.

How?  A constant road of recovery.   I think we are all recovering. We are all finding our way constantly learning and growing. And evolving into more connected people. I find that through daily practices of self care, the hard doesn't feel as hard. Perception, how we choose to see will always be a choice. Do I choose to grow or do I choose to fall.

"Tough times don’t last, Tough people do.  "